I think that I'm the kind of person that has a hard time changing themselves.

I consider myself a fairly observant and caring person. I tried to do nice things for my roommates, my family, and now, for my husband. It seems to me that being nice is rewarding and satisfying.

I am good at reflecting the moods of others. When someone else is happy, I can be happy too. When they are sad, I am sad with them. Moods of other people rub off on me fairly easily - which apparently is a terrible thing. I suppose that it is not the best thing - to become sad when someone else is sad. I guess that I should find a way to change that.

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to freeze to death? I imagine that it would not be very pleasant. You would shake and shiver and slowly your heartbeat would become farther and farther apart - the rhythmic pounding slowing down and eventually thudding for one last time. Sad, really.

I used to think that I liked being alone. But I have realized that I hate being alone. I hate the feeling of being by myself where there is no one able to help me or care for me. I like being loved. I like having company. Loneliness kills me. Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud....thud....thud.

Thud.



Thud.





Thud.

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/

check it.

I'm now that weird chick that cleans her kitchen floor on a Saturday afternoon. That weird chick that everyone thinks is OCD or going through a bad breakup. Newsflash: that weird chick is cleaning her kitchen floor for her own safety. Think about it.

I have been reading through some random talks online tonight, and I cam across one by Steve Gilliland. It's called "Awake My Soul!": Dealing Firmly with Depression.

As I read through this talk, I noticed that it had a lot of interesting points to make. However, one in particular stuck out to me.

"At bedtime, you can’t sleep. In the morning, you can’t wake up. Dishes, laundry, cleaning go undone. You feel helpless, hopeless, sad. For weeks, months, or even years nothing seems to go right. You feel like a burden to your family. You cry uncontrollably over little things.

You blame yourself for being unhappy... You stay home more. Your favorite activities go flat—it’s been a long time since you went for a walk, skied, or played the piano.

You are depressed, and you don’t know what to do about it. Worse, because the gospel promises happinesses, you feel terribly guilty."

I feel like those few sentences describe perfectly the words that I have not been able to get across to anyone. I feel as if I had been searching for those words for a long time. It's as if someone understands. That's all.

I've realized a lot of things lately. Maybe 'realized' isn't the best word. Re-discovered? Here's a few of them...

One: the power of the Spirit of the Lord is amazing. Today I went up to the temple grounds and had a chance to just sit and think. It was really good for me - I had a lot of things on my mind and was able to clear up a lot of confusion.

Two: friends make my life infinitely better. They always know what to say to me when I need advice and they are just all around wonderful.

Three: I dislike headaches very much.

Four: sleep is good for me. And I should get more of it. Starting...now.

This morning I decided to take a really quick shower before I had to catch the bus to get to school. As I was standing in the shower watching the water drip off of my hands, I had this sudden feeling of marvel pass through me. Water is so amazing and I have such a feeling of amazement and wonder for all of the things that it does. It's such a unique and interesting combination of elements and doesn't follow the typical mindset of other compounds. It really is amazing.

In three of the past seven days I ate less than one meal. Combined. I kinda feel like that is a bad thing.