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I'm now that weird chick that cleans her kitchen floor on a Saturday afternoon. That weird chick that everyone thinks is OCD or going through a bad breakup. Newsflash: that weird chick is cleaning her kitchen floor for her own safety. Think about it.

I have been reading through some random talks online tonight, and I cam across one by Steve Gilliland. It's called "Awake My Soul!": Dealing Firmly with Depression.

As I read through this talk, I noticed that it had a lot of interesting points to make. However, one in particular stuck out to me.

"At bedtime, you can’t sleep. In the morning, you can’t wake up. Dishes, laundry, cleaning go undone. You feel helpless, hopeless, sad. For weeks, months, or even years nothing seems to go right. You feel like a burden to your family. You cry uncontrollably over little things.

You blame yourself for being unhappy... You stay home more. Your favorite activities go flat—it’s been a long time since you went for a walk, skied, or played the piano.

You are depressed, and you don’t know what to do about it. Worse, because the gospel promises happinesses, you feel terribly guilty."

I feel like those few sentences describe perfectly the words that I have not been able to get across to anyone. I feel as if I had been searching for those words for a long time. It's as if someone understands. That's all.

I've realized a lot of things lately. Maybe 'realized' isn't the best word. Re-discovered? Here's a few of them...

One: the power of the Spirit of the Lord is amazing. Today I went up to the temple grounds and had a chance to just sit and think. It was really good for me - I had a lot of things on my mind and was able to clear up a lot of confusion.

Two: friends make my life infinitely better. They always know what to say to me when I need advice and they are just all around wonderful.

Three: I dislike headaches very much.

Four: sleep is good for me. And I should get more of it. Starting...now.

This morning I decided to take a really quick shower before I had to catch the bus to get to school. As I was standing in the shower watching the water drip off of my hands, I had this sudden feeling of marvel pass through me. Water is so amazing and I have such a feeling of amazement and wonder for all of the things that it does. It's such a unique and interesting combination of elements and doesn't follow the typical mindset of other compounds. It really is amazing.

In three of the past seven days I ate less than one meal. Combined. I kinda feel like that is a bad thing.

Thoughts as of Late

I think that sometimes I over complicate my life. I take something small and blow it out of proportion until it is such a large problem that it is often very unmanageable.

Today I realized two very important things.
1. I rely on some people too much and I rely on others too little.
2. I change myself a lot to adapt to the different people and circumstances that I am around.

I've known these things for a long time now, I just didn't want to acknowledge them.

And now I have.

=/